How Does Your Story Affect Home Leadership?

It had been a long day that required extra patience. My kids seemed to find anything and everything to fight about all afternoon.

My daughter had been looking forward to our nightly reading routine all evening. I was exhausted but told her we could begin reading after she brushed her teeth.
 
A moment later, I heard a loud pounding noise from the bathroom as she aggressively pulled at the top drawer. I stomped down the hall, already raising my voice as I approached.

"What are you doing?" I yelled. "You're going to break that! Can't you see it's stuck? Stop it!

My body felt a release of tension that had been lying just beneath the surface all afternoon.

There were tears in my daughter’s eyes. I had clearly startled her with how loudly I yelled and how quickly I grew angry. Attempting to backtrack, I took a breath and showed her how to gently close the drawer, move the hairbrush that was lodged sideways, and easily open it. With tears in her eyes and an angry look on her face, she said,

"Thanks. Now please leave me alone."

We bantered back and forth about tone and respect until my daughter said,

"I just want to go to bed. I don't want to read books with someone who's mean to me."

Her angry brow and tear-filled eyes told me she wouldn’t budge on her resolve to shut me out. I scoffed and said, “Fine.” Walking away I annoyedly whispered under my breath,

“She’s unbelievable. I’ve been patient with her all day. Why is she so stubborn?”

So many nights throughout my 12 years as a mom, things have been left here. We go to bed rattled and agitated without repairing the seemingly small shattering moments of the day.

Now I know the beautiful gift that rupture and repair offers in our relationship with our children.

"When we respond outside the character of God's love, we are given the opportunity to show humility with repentance, even when the moment seems insignificant and we have all our reasons why we reacted the way we did."

Only a few minutes had passed when I re-entered the bathroom.

“Can I say something to you?”

My daughter responded with a silent nod. I got down on my knees to look her in the eyes and calmly said,

“When I yelled at you, I scared you. Didn’t I?”

She responded with another silent and teary nod.

“I’m sorry for screaming. That’s never okay. I was worried you would break the drawer or hurt yourself. I’m also tired and didn’t respond kindly. I’m sorry I scared you. Will you forgive me?” 

My daughter pulled me in tight and held on for a moment or two. Feeling our bodies settle, I showed her a second time how to fix a jammed drawer correctly for next time. As we left the bathroom, she quietly said,

“Mom, is it still okay if we read our book together?”

Had I stuck to the self-defensive narrative in my mind, we would have gone to bed sowing small seeds of division in our relationship. But leading with humility re-establishes connection and cultivates a relationship of mutual respect, trust, and safety.

The goal is not to get everything right and always be the answer for our children.

"The goal is to lead our home with the love we first receive from God."

Every time we repent for misrepresenting the heart of God, we re-establish for ourselves and our children that Jesus is the one who holds all the answers for our lives. It’s His love that repairs every rupture we create.

How does your story affect the way you lead in your home?

1. How does recognizing and managing your own nervous system responses during moments of conflict with your children influence the way you lead and connect with them?

2. In what ways can understanding the impact of past traumas on your behavior and reactions help you create a more peaceful and understanding home environment?

3. How can applying Biblical principles of humility and repentance during moments of rupture in your family relationships lead to deeper trust and stronger bonds?

4. What practices can you incorporate to ensure that your responses to your children are aligned with God’s love and character, even during stressful situations?

Tori Hein 
Freedom Coach and Marketing & Program Director