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I grew up in a family system that held politics in high esteem; sensationalist-style news (designed to intensify fear and tease anger) echoed the walls of our home.
As a teen, I was drawn to a faith community with high standards and high consequences - ultimately, leading me to feel over-responsible for the choices of others and superior for the sacrifices I was making.
Compassion was corrupted by control; control of self, control of environment, and control of those around me.
I would proudly cut and wound people using my beliefs as a sword while hiding behind a shield of misapplied scripture to excuse my lack of curiosity and compassion. 

This is flipped from God’s intentions for us in Ephesians 6:10-20. When Paul encourages the church to put on the armor of God, it is our FAITH in God that is a shield and a safety to us (held up and supported by the truth of God’s Word and His character). And it is God’s Spirit and His Word that is a short dagger (designed for use in intimate encounters - not intended for public shaming or blanket threats). Not to mention that the enemy laid out in those verses is NOT actually other people, but a spiritual enemy that tempts our own hearts into sin!

I see, now, how I was living in opposition to the grace of God and in hostility to the peaceful pace of Jesus. In my rush to set everything “right”, I was steamrolling and alienating those I wanted to “save”. Keeping me defensive and dysregulated; often confusing anxiety and frustration with spiritual fervor and righteous rage.
Although, my convictions look different now, and my disagreements are kinder and quieter - I can still find myself stressed about stances that other people take - especially in seasons when social and political unrest are heightened. It can sometimes feel like a threat response in my body when someone I care about or admire makes sweeping statements that are unjust, untrue, or inflammatory. Which can still entice me to dishonor and avoidance when my fears are left unchecked.
I actively have to submit my thoughts and beliefs to the God who has the power to soothe and convict this wild heart of mine; a God who graciously invites me into accountability and humility.
A God whose spear is short but sharp, desiring close communion with me so He can tenderly pierce the motivations that stem from control, overcorrection, or pride. A God who is showing me how to co-create safety and belonging, especially in the tension of disagreement.
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