Engaging God in the Messy Middle

I remember where I was when I first heard author Kate Bowler refer to life as “bad math.” This phrase shook me, it felt like a world of truth succinctly put. Sometimes 2+2 doesn’t equal 4 and we’re left with tainted faith in the formulas we once held onto with fierce loyalty. We’ve done the work but sooner or later we throw out the calculator along with the sharpened pencils when it's clear that life’s problems can’t always be solved by our own equations.

If you’re not tracking with me maybe it's because you have yet to traverse that dark, narrow passageway we call a season of mystery. Maybe you’ve yet to experience a level of disappointment or confusion that has challenged your faith, but for others, these words resonate on a soul level. Life has ravaged your dreams and you’re not sure how to connect with a God who feels distant in a world that seems to orbit around calamity.

One brief review of the biblical narrative and we see these very stories come to life. Abraham was given a promise under a blanket of stars but without a blueprint. Moses was called in a burning bush that didn’t extinguish his insecurities. Mary was chosen to birth the savior of the world but without a husband. Our spiritual ancestors knew something of mystery, that space between the promise and the fulfillment. And when life seemed like “bad math” they wrestled with discouragement, disillusionment, and fear. And yet there is one thing they didn’t do in the midst of mystery: they did not opt out of their friendship with God when life didn’t make sense. They continued to show up for the relationship in the messy middle.

Patience is a hard teaching in a culture of immediacy. There is no better way to crucify the flesh than to sit in the thick, uncomfortable air of the waiting room. We do not want to live in the tension of the second day when our longing for resurrection feels like a crucible. And when life is “bad math” the enemy attempts to exploit our suffering and begins to whisper “Is God truly for you?” The fathers and mothers of our faith were faced with many of the same questions and yet faithfully sat in the mystery.

What does it mean to wait “faithfully?” They sat in the tension of all they could not yet understand and continued to walk and talk with God amid failure, doubt, injustice, and tragedy. And throughout their journey with God they learned that what the enemy sends for destruction, God intends for development and redemption. Their example teaches us that our role in the story is to keep moving closer to God through the doorway of prayer and to simply remain in Him.

Prayer is the conduit for a deep friendship with God and our lifeline of intimacy in the midst of mystery. God invites us to empty the contents of our hearts in the safety of His perfect love where no burden is too great and no truth is too hard. The stories of our spiritual ancestors remind us that in the absence of answers and understanding God is ready to give us what we truly need, more of Himself. Our role in the story is to keep showing up in the secret place with God and to trust Him to do the work no man can do.
 

Tanya Godsey
FREEDOM MOVEMENT
Director of Spiritual Formation