Ever just want to get away?

When I grieve, I isolate away from people. 
Anybody else?...

But my isolation doesn’t always look like being physically alone. 

When I avoid the harm in my story and the lingering ways it shows up in my current life, isolation looks more like fixing people’s problems, micromanaging, withholding care, criticism, and busyness. 

In my lack of trust in God and those that love me, my isolation is fueled by the broken belief that, “if it’s going to be it’s up to me.” 

Without even realizing it, I barricade myself in an ivory tower of responsibility that protects me from vulnerability, accountability, and intimacy with others. It makes me untouchable and, eventually, it almost destroys me. 

If you’re thinking, “This sounds like me... how do I fix it?” Here’s the truth.
YOU can’t… at least, not alone. 

Here is a real life example:
After a difficult disagreement with a client, I felt myself arming up with defensiveness and becoming hyper-aware of the potential threat of more frustration at work. In my attempt to gain control, I moved outside of my role and began micromanaging in areas that were not my responsibility. I said I was trying to be helpful, but I was actually making things worse.Instead of working as a team, I took matters into my own hands. A friend took me aside to ask me more about why I was responding the way I was. 

Although I was a bit embarrassed and frustrated at first, I softened to receive this challenging love from my friend and I realized, I was grieving:

Grieving the loss that comes with failing and disappointing people. 

Grieving how much responsibility I took on in my childhood to care for others. 

Grieving the fact that I could do everything right, and I still couldn’t control the opinions or outcomes of others. 

My story was showing up BIG in my impulsive reactions, but I couldn’t see it until someone who knew my story helped shine light in the dark places of my heart. 

We don’t heal by knowing what to do and always doing it right. We heal by seeing what has been broken and working alongside those who love us to seek wholeness. 

It was the presence of safe enough people who loved me enough to see my self protecting and challenge me with curiosity and compassion that drew me out of isolation and toward the kindness of God.

Who do you have in your life that is able to be this honest with you? 
We can’t grow in the awareness necessary to heal if we’re alone. 

We're in it with you! 
Tori Hein
FREEDOM MOVEMENT