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When we experience moments of failure as parents, it can feel overwhelming. Yet, amidst this struggle, there's an incredible opportunity for repair and restoration.
Recently, it was science fair time, and my daughter was scrambling to pull her project together at the last minute. As her frustration mounted, I felt that familiar wave of fear washing over me.
"She's going to lose it," I thought. "Why didn't I help her sooner? Why does she always wait until the last minute?"
My internal dialogue spiraled, and despite my best efforts to remain calm,
our frustrations collided right in the heart of our living room, resulting in a thunderous fight.
Voices were raised, and in the heat of the moment, we turned on each other. Soon after, she retreated to her room, and I found myself taking a drive to clear my head.
Do these moments sound familiar to you? Do you often find yourself reflecting on your words and actions, wishing you could turn back time? Trust me, you're not alone.
As I drove, feelings of shame flooded in, leading me to irrationally blame her for her attitude. "If only she were more respectful, I wouldn't have lost it!" This blame game is as old as time, reminiscent of the story of Adam and Eve, where responsibility was overlooked in favor of finger-pointing.
But how could I make things right?
How could I put aside my urge to blame and bridge the gap of broken intimacy?
In these moments, we often feel the pressure to turn them into teaching opportunities, wielding our parental power to prove a point. However, what my daughter truly needed in that moment was my presence, not my power.
We both needed to look each other in the eye and acknowledge our faults. As a mother of a 12-year-old, I realized I had to take the first step. What I initially thought was a chance to teach turned into a moment of being present with her and understanding how I made her feel. She needed my gaze, my presence, and a humbled heart.
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