When did you learn that emotions are bad?

At Freedom Movement, we talk about both ‘BIG-T-trauma’ and ‘little-t-trauma’ and regardless of what kind of trauma, loss, hurt, or harm - we have ALL experienced pain in our stories. 

How do these parts of our story affect our emotions?

Growing up, many of us have been taught that emotions are bad. We “learn” emotions are bad from parents who don’t know how to attune to the emotions of their children. We learn it from churches who teach emotions are unnecessary. We learn they are bad when we experience pain and the corresponding big emotions are not held well by caregivers. All of these experiences can lead to shame and self condemnation when we experience big emotions that we have no container for.

As I’ve traveled across the country to teach with Freedom Academy, I always ask participants, “How were emotions modeled for you growing up?” The typical answers are either “violent and explosive”, or “they weren’t expressed at all”. I can’t ever recall anyone saying emotions were modeled in a healthy way where big feelings were welcomed, attuned to, and held well. Add in the complexity that we humans will naturally avoid things at are difficult and painful to face, and the difficult emotions of our stories almost always go unprocessed. 

This is how we learn early on that big emotions are both a barrier to relationships and painful to face, feel, and deal with. As a result, we train ourselves to ignore them and we shut down our emotional self.  

Those kids grow up and become… us. Adults who try to get by, do the best we can in life while keeping those pesky emotions in a dark corner of our past. The outcome is that a lot of energy is spent suppressing emotions with things like workaholism, shopping, doom scrolling, and comfort eating. Then we wonder why we are depressed, stressed out, unable to focus, and angry at the slightest trigger.

Both psychology and the Bible agree that what we need is mature people who are able to attune empathetically to our story and our big emotions. 

This literally rewires the brain and gives us a new way of thinking about our story. I believe this is God’s design for the church: to be those mature, wise, and safe people who can tend to other’s stories and represent the attuned presence of God on earth. 

To learn HOW to become this safe presence for yourself, your family, and the community that God has placed you in, JOIN US at Freedom Academy - online or in-person!

Jeff Meyers
Freedom Movement Coach