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Your Unfelt Emotions Might Be Running The Show

"Go to your room if you're gonna cry!" If you remember being told this as a child, do you also have a difficult time naming or expressing your emotions as an adult?

If you don't know how to connect to your own feelings, it's going to be difficult to feel connected to those that you love. This disconnection creates BIG issues for us over time and often leads me to feel depressed, anxious, and fearful of honest conversations with myself and others. 

The GOOD NEWS is that God didn't intend this for us, and we don't have to stay stuck in this pattern. Here are 2 practices that I am using to teach myself how to identify and honor my emotions, so that I can learn how to regulate myself and connect in relationships.

Click here to download an emotions list to help you get started!

 

This quick practice has immediate impact when you're experiencing BIG feelings that are difficult to identify. 
Use the emotions PDF to help you name and honor what you’re feeling. Simply naming feelings creates a sense of safety within yourself and brings soothing to your nervous system. Try it.


1. Choose the primary emotion that you most identify with and write it down at the top of a blank piece of paper 


2. Say out loud, “Anger (name the emotion YOU chose), what do you need to tell me today?”


3. Choose 1-3 secondary emotions that you might also be experiencing and write each one down on your paper as well. 


4. Use your voice to practice saying out loud,
“(name each emotion), I understand that you are here for a reason.” 
“__________ , I understand that you are here for a reason.”
“__________ , I understand that you are here for a reason.”
Do this slowly, giving yourself time to notice any other feelings that come up during this practice. 


5. If it feels comfortable to engage God in this space, do so. Say out loud, “God, thank you for revealing this (name each emotion you identified) to me. I want to PARTNER WITH YOU in my emotions; help me understand Your truth within what's surfacing in my story.”

Once you’re aware of the emotion you’re feeling, you may need to allow space and time to FEEL the EMOTION. Even when we know the emotion we’re experiencing we typically avoid actually FEELING it, especially if this has never been modeled for you in childhood.

Use the practice below to allow space for FEELING and HONORING emotions without judgement. Try it.

1.  Find a calming space with access to music or headphones. You might choose to take a walk outside or sit in a room or closet with your feet on the floor as you listen and see what comes up.
2. Set a timer for ten minutes and choose some music that matches the emotion you're feeling. Listening to music is a great tool to help your body move through an emotion.
3. As feelings and memories come up, picture them in your mind and practice curiosity and compassion for yourself by resisting the urge to deny or judge those sensations. 
4. Once your timer has ended, wrap your arms around yourself (yes, actually give yourself a hug) and say out loud, "These feelings make a lot of sense, I've been through some hard things. God, I trust you for the healing"
5. REWARD YOURSELF! It's important to ease back into your day and do something that brings you peace or joy. You've done GREAT work, today!

It's true that many of us carry wounds from childhood that affect our ability to name and feel emotions, but God never leaves us stuck in this place. The Bible is FULL of examples of God feeling emotions and not dismissing the difficult experiences that exist because of sin.

When we learn how to connect honestly with ourselves, it provides a more authentic connection with God and others. And it's in honest and safe-enough communities, that God can heal the wounded parts of ourselves that needed care and attunement in childhood. 

It is a beautiful, holy, hard, and redeeming process. 
That you were ABSOLUTELY MADE FOR.

Mallory Albrecht
Freedom Movement Coach

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